Every week we seem to work with many couples with the exact same issues. We feel like roommates, where did the butterflies go, everything comes before us as a couple, there is no time for a date night, and so on. Whether couples have been living together, have been married for 2 years, all the way to 20 years, many of their issues remain the same. My belief is that almost every couple could benefit from marriage or couples therapy. However, the sad part is that most couples wait until there is something really wrong and look at counseling as their last resort. When working with couples who are struggling, we almost always integrate the book The Five Love Languages. Every person has a love language or a combination of them. The love languages are; Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, or Physical Touch. There is a quiz in the back of the book with a scoring guide and then when you figure out what your partner’s “Love Language” is, you can try to do the things that make them happy and they can do the same. Also, Love is a choice. You continue to love your spouse or significant other because you choose to (even if you don’t realize it). So many couples get stuck in a rut. Monday-Friday, they go to work, come home, have dinner, and go to bed.. sometimes only saying 10 words to each other. Also if you have children of any age still living in the home, they need your attention, nevermind; shopping, laundry, housework, ect. Some couples seek out a counselor or therapist to strengthen the bond they have and understand each other better. If some couples try to talk things out alone, it might end in a fight. Having a third party or mediator there can make all the difference in moving forward. Most times marriage counseling is short-term and only requires 2-4 sessions. If there are bigger issues such as; infidelity, drug or alcohol abuse, mental health issues, sexual difficulties, or financial problems more sessions might be needed. It is important to create short and long-term goals as a couple and work towards those goals together. Talking about your problems with a counselor, therapist, or coach, may not be easy. Sessions might include silence on one’s part or arguments may arise. Both of these things are fine and we act as a mediator and help you cope with emotions and difficulties in the marriage. Making the choice to have a marriage counselor come in might be a tough choice. If you have a problem relationship, however, seeking outside help is much more effective than ignoring your problems or just hoping they pass on there own.
